


Levels of Experience

by Twenty



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale fucking his way through British literary history, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crowley is a 6000 year old virgin, Dialogue Heavy, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, This probably sucks but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 11:04:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twenty/pseuds/Twenty
Summary: Just as Crowley and Aziraphale are about to make love for the first time, Crowley discovers something interesting about Aziraphale's sex life. Which is to say... he has one.





	Levels of Experience

**Author's Note:**

  * For [currentlybeltingbohemianrhapsody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/currentlybeltingbohemianrhapsody/gifts), [shadowfire125](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfire125/gifts).
  * Inspired by [this tumblr post](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/491878) by currentlybeltingbohemianrhapsody. 



> I did minimal research for this, don't @ me
> 
> Dedicated to currentlybeltingbohemianrhapsody for making the post that inspired this fic and to Odd for getting me into this fandom in the first place.

"Don't worry angel, I know you're not exactly practiced in this. Just let me handle it."  
"Oh, you're right. It has been a while. When even was the last time..."  
Crowley chuckled. "Right, last time..."  
"Oh, now I recall! Tolkien, 1956. I remember because we had those delicious muffins afterwards..."  
Crowley stared at him. "You... what?"  
"Yes, now I can remember. Before him, it was Orwell in 1949, then Lewis in 1947, Doyle sometime around 1900, Wilde in 1895 and then again twice in 1897, Dickens in 1844..."  
"Stop, stop, stop!" Crowley looked at him like he had killed a man. " _You've_ had _sex_?"  
Aziraphale looked rather offended. "What's that supposed to mean? Of course I've had sex, I just told you about it."  
"Since when?!"  
"Oh that would be 1607. Shakespeare."  
Crowley seemed unable to close his mouth. "You... you've been shagging your way through British literature since the early 17th century?"  
"Well, no. Not just British, I also slept with Voltaire, I believe it was in 1727."  
Crowley stared.  
"I hope you don't have an issue with that, dear?"  
"Issue? What? No. Just... I had no idea! With you being an angel and all."  
"Angels can have sex. We just need to make a bit of an effort."  
"I know _that_. I used to be an angel, angel. But lust is a deadly sin, isn't it?"  
"So is gluttony and they never bothered me about that."  
"Huh. Never thought of it that way..."  
For a moment, he stared into the middle distance, lost in thought. Then he shrugged.  
"I guess I just never thought you would be the more experienced one, that's all."  
"...why, when was your last time?"  
Crowley blushed and mumbled something unintelligible.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."  
"I said... never. I've never had sex, alright? I know plenty of theory and had some solo practice, I've just never... tried it out with anyone else."  
"Oh. I... that's alright, dear. I can take the lead if you'd like."  
"You don't sound very sure."  
"Well, to be quite honest I didn't expect I'd have to, but I if this is your first time..."  
"Did you expect it to not be my first time?"  
"Obviously, dear. You're a demon. It's what's expected of you."  
"And with whom, pray tell, was I supposed to be having all this sex?"  
"Well, with your looks and... attitude, I was sure you'd easily find a willing partner."  
"Angel, I am yours and only yours. I have been from the Beginning."  
"...well now I just feel bad for having all that sex without you."  
Crowley grinned. "Don't feel bad, angel. This way, at least one of us has some actual experience. And you can show me everything you learned all night long..."  
"I'll try my best then."  
"Don't... put too much pressure on yourself, though. It doesn't have to be perfect. We've got the rest of our lives to figure it out."  
Aziraphale smiled. "That we do. And now come here and kiss me, you wily old serpent."  
And he did.


End file.
